Monday, July 24, 2006

Penn State Under Investigation

Orson over at Every Day Should be Saturday has been on a quest to find a video of the old Joe Paterno commercials for Milano Bread. So far he has come up empty, but he found this nugget from The Nittany Line.

Then today I found this article in the Altoona Mirror where budding young reporter Corey Sober asked new recruit Josh Marks, "Josh, from what I hear, Joe Paterno bribes his players with free Milano bread. Is this true?"

Marks denied being bribed, but the comment has caught the eye of NCAA president Myles Brand.

"We take all accusations of bribing recruits seriously. If Penn State is found to have bribed a recruit, we will take away scholarships and bury their program until they have to beg Pitt to play 2-for-1's in Pitt's favor."

When Hail to the Lion tried to reach Coach Paterno for comment, the coach had this to say:

"Who is Josh Marks? I have never bribed a player with Milano bread. You must have misunderstood. When he said 'bread', he probably meant money. We do that all the time. Is that against the rules? I'm a senile old man ya know. When I started coaching the game of football only had two rules. Eleven guys on a team and only one ball on the field at a time. I can't keep track of all these rules today. I can't even remember where I parked my car when I leave the office at night. Most nights I end up walking home and having Sue drive me back after everyone has left so I can find my car again. Who are you?"

Expect a full NCAA investigation into this. Hail to the Lion will keep you informed.

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